How it Began

The most amazing record has been found.

It is believed to be a story that has been passed down thru generations that recorded the fascinating origin of important events.

This is the rough translation..

Oogoo came home from another very rough day. They were always rough, but this one seemed even more so.

As usual, his day consisted of him and the other men in the tribe going out hunting and skinning and territory skirmishes with other tribes. Fresh food was needed every day and skins as well for clothing and other uses around the caves.

It might seem like daylight hours would be long enough, but, everything took 3 times as long then what with everyone trying to get around on all fours.

On this day OOgoo was worn out more so than usual and had stopped off with his mates for some cactus beer to unwind. He knew he would hear about it from his nagging wife and he was right.

When he got back to his cave, he took off his skin garment as they always did in the summer with it being so warm in the cave. There was his wife Mooga waiting. Oh how she carried on about his being late, about how he had said they would be moving caves months ago, how hot the summer days have been, how little meat he had been bringing back lately, how she didn't like him drinking cactus beer. She continued to carry on even as preparing dinner.

Oogoo had to put up with this every day and as usual tried to tune her out.

Then she started yelling at him about the mosquitoes that he had let in. At least this was a real worry as the mosquitoes were much bigger then and could cause quite the discomfort, so while she crouched there cooking, he went about trying to get rid of them.

Then he noticed one had landed on her butt. So, he bashed it with his large rough hand. She gave a yelp and berated him for striking even as he tried to explain that he saved her from a bite.

When she turned back around to continue dinner preparation, he sat there staring for a bit, then gave her another whack on the butt. She yelped again and told him to quit it and to just wave any mosquitoes away instead since his hand had stung.

Oogoo, sat there for a minute, and then without warning, dragged Mooga over his big legs and just kept whacking away at her butt with his large hard hand.

After a while, she started shrieking with every swat as the pain and fire started building. The slaps and her cries sounded loudly thru the cave and had brought the neighbors to form a curious audience as they crouched around the cave entrance watching.

They all watched as Oogoo was telling Mooga that he was sick of all her complaining and nagging and wanted it to stop. Mooga was crying and saying she would behave and she would treat him better, promising to be ever so good.

The neighbors took great notice in this, especially men who had similar problems and they made plans to try the same method.

when, Oogoo finally let her up after a couple more minutes of continuous swatting, she next did something that truly astounded everyone.

She leapt off his lap, and stood up and started frantically rubbing her stinging butt. She had stood up on two feet!

Soon everyone tried standing up and realized how much better everything would be from now on. Both in their caveholds and getting around every day.

And that, everyone is how spanking got started and how man discovered how to stand upright.