Thursday, 21 April 2011

Bondage and spanking.

A few postings back I talked about why for so many people giving or receiving a spanking was sexually stimulating. I was careful to hedge my bets on most aspects of it as it is such a minefield, but my broad conclusion was that it’s psychology was rooted in a mixture of things including a change of the power balance between the two people involved.

For the man his, “Wow! I have this gorgeous young thing across my knee like a naughty little girl and her knickers are down and I’m in total control of the punishment I’m going to give her.” is mirrored by the woman’s, “ Oh my God! He’s got me over his knee like a naughty little girl and my knickers are down and he’s in total control of the punishment he’s going to give me.”





A similar psychology comes into place when in our sex lives some degree of tying up or other bondage is involved. As females, when tied to a bed post , across a bed, or simply with our hands shackled behind us it essentially means that within reason almost any sexual act can be visited on us and there is very little that we can do to stop it.





Bearing in mind that even in today’s liberal age, there is still something inherently wicked in having sex at all, this gives the whole thing a wonderful edge. And of course, he might prove himself to have tastes that we had no idea about that might take us places we never even dreamed of.





For any girl into such things I would say that an element of the perfect spanking is one that is just a touch more painful than she expected, and equally with any sexual practice, it can be that much more exciting if taken a fraction further than what we thought we could tolerate.


Just as the excitement of finding yourself across your boyfriend’s (Or girlfriend's) knee is partially connected to folk memories of schoolroom punishments from years ago,




so is bondage likely to be connected to childhood experiences.



There are few of us who in childhood did not at some stage find ourselves tied to trees by gleeful friends who then could not stop themselves from pulling down our knickers or taking out our willys and playing with them. This tended to result in strange but wonderful feelings washing through us that were repeated in weird and beautiful dreams, so not surprising that as adults we find ourselves self pleasuring in our midnight bedrooms visualising ourselves captive and helpless and not sure what our captors have in mind for our naked bodies..




Personally I’m not heavily into bondage, that is the formalised use of straps and other sex shop devices, but finding myself suddenly tethered and rendered helpless by a lover using say a stocking or dressing gown cord and wondering what is going to happen to me next is a different thing. That can be pretty wonderful if the person in charge knows what he’s doing.





But as with all sexual game playing, the whole key to it trust. When spread eagled on a bed, naked and available and with all your extremities shackled into place you want to know that you’ll soon be on a magic carpet to an erotic paradise, not in a van on the way to the mortuary.



7 comments:

  1. Wonderful post; very well said. While many of us may fantasise about bondage, it takes a very very special trust in someone to be placed in such a vulnerable position. See the current post to the blog "Sugar Refined" for a real life narrative of a bondage scene and the emotional impact on the sub. Even without restraints, many of us in the life push our limits or fantasise about some scene that is slightly beyond our comfort zone. Often we write spanking story fiction that involves punishment that is more severe than we could really tolerate. But it does make the heart pound does it not? Again, well done. Cheers.

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  2. sorry for the typo fantasize

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  3. Bondage, for me, has been an acquired taste as a result of pushing the envelope.

    Once upon a time, I was a pure spanko, with no desire of D/s, BDSM, or anything beyond the play dynamic. As I've developed and explored, I've realized how fulfilling it is to give up control completely and to be powerless to the one I trust. Bondage is simply a vehicle for me to willingly let go, to acquiesce.

    It allows me to have naughty, dirty things done to me with no shame whatsoever. Like the classic excuse, "I was drunk", it serves the same: "Well, I was tied up. How could I have prevented him from [insert act of delightful perversion here]?"

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  4. Bondage is a wonderful fantasy trip in the company of someone one trusts absolutely. Learning to postpone the orgasms is worth the frustration, because it leads to deeper ones toward the end of the play session. Being intermittently spanked slowly with a birch switch or a set of bundled switches makes for a slow buildup of submission, pain and desire. I usually wear nipple clamps and sheer, seamed stockings with a broad top in bondage. The only trouble with playing bondage is that it takes time, if it's to be done for maximum enjoyment. We have children and privacy is also an issue. You don't want a toddler to wander in, when you're in the middle of the play! So we schedule our bondage play, we arrange for child care and then go to a motel or hotel for a day. We bring the canvas bag with the implements and use the room-service. When we have a full day set aside we can take all the time it takes to let the bondage play build up and develop. Sincerely, Laurie

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  5. So many comments! Thank you all.

    I think geting right down to it that if one looks at the expression on the girl's face in my later post 'Dreamy' one can see the blissful inner world that erotic play can induce, and this is the place that most of us want to be.

    Glad you appreciated my thoughts.

    Liz

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